Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
