So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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