So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
