was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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