Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
