You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
