He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
