take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
