just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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