i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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