I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
