People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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