East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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