i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
