great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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