Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
