my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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