you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
