I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
