OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
