just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
as a side note pls kill me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
