I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
