I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
