i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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