Need sex. Gaining weight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
