laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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