wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
