no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
