The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
