I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
