Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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