the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
