My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
