I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
