I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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