I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There are leaves in my underwear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
