We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize