haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
