honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
