So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize