May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
