Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
