O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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