a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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