3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
