But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
