i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
