Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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