Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
