Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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