Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
