She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
