Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
