Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
