so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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