i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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