I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
