Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
