I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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