I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
