Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
