dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
