After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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