ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
