Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
