Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
