Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
