dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
