ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
