Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize