Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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