I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
