I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
